The Factory: a short story.

How would you like to know how the human brain functions? Well, I travelled for many days, especially for you, to find out exactly what goes on in the Thought Factory during the process of making an idea. And I'm not talking about just any brain, oh no: it's that of a very powerful person that I'm sure all of you know. So let us wait no longer! Come with me and let's observe what is going on in this enormous thought-creating factory.

"I don't get it, Brain. Why should we create this idea of equality?"

"We need it to take over the world, Pinky."

"But how? How will you do that, Brain?"

"Actually, I was just kidding you, Pinky. Ha ha! What I meant was that we must all have equal chances for everything."

"But what about all those nice things I have that others don't have, Brain? Like my certificate for jumping as high up to the edge of this skull that we live in."

"You rich people. All you care about is yourselves. Can't you see, Pinky that you had to pay millions of dried figs for that certificate? Not everyone can afford that. By introducing these global standards we discriminate against all poor people."

"But..."

"And I'm telling you Pinky, that there are more poor people than you rich pieces of scum. That's why we need these ideas. Pinky,"

While Brain gasped, his heart pounded, and he tried to catch his breath, Pinky tried to out-shout all the alarms that suddenly went off -probably another short circuit in the electrical supplies, or maybe just a large piece of meat caught in the mechanism of the machinery which was causing all the commotion.

"But Brain," Pinky finally begins his statement while Brain is gasping for air, still touched deeply by his speech, "tell me Brain, what if I want to move to another system of this organism, say the Heart, and they will only accept me with this certificate. What do I do then?"

"Oh Pinky," now in a much more mellow, even melancholic manner, "haven't you heard of the Brain Certificate? Anyone can sit it, anyone can pass it because it's easy like hell and it's for free! Now, if these people from the Heart don't accept this perfectly respectable examination then, I tell you, they're scum, Scum!"

"Oh but Brain, they won't accept me with that!" he cries. "They won't, they won't! Besides, anyone can sit the High Jump Exam if they want to. A good teacher will prepare them for that; and I tell you Brain, there are many people who want to sit this exam!"

On finishing this statement Pinky starts crying again. Brain bursts into indescribable, full-hearted laughter. "Ha ha ha! Everyone wants and everyone can. So you've also been brainwashed. Look at these statistics, Pinky." He points at a whiteboard, which has absolutely nothing written on it. "You see, here is the number of people that are for this scum exam of yours, and this is how many people are against it. You see this Pinky, these are the facts! We need equality and we need to destroy the rich and we need the "Brain Exam". This is the truth Pinky, so get back to work you worthless piece of horseradish!" He kicks him hard in the stomach, as Pinky is lying on the floor crying. Then he goes back to work.

As you all might very well know, this idea of equality was finally created. All the workers finally pushed it through the Mouth and it took the form of a statement as follows: "There shall be no foreign certificates, FCE, CAE (or even JFK), but only one, true, irreplaceable examination: the M.A.T.U.R.A."

Glossary:
just kidding - only joking (to tylko żart)
pieces of scum - worthless, useless people (very insulting) (obraĽliwe: męty)
out-shout - shout louder (przekrzyczeć)
short circuit - bad connection of wires that prevent electricity from flowing through apparatus, etc. (zwarcie)